Favourchimamaka

 The truth hurts but it should not kill. Truth can kill when you tell it in an unkind manner. I'm particularly concerned about how you tell your truth when it comes to love and friendship.  So many persons in the name of correction have actually ended up worsening the cases they tried to correct. Therefore, there's need to pay attention to the manner through which the things that need to be said in your relationships are said so that you don't tear down the walls you're trying to patch. Don't use "calling a spade, a spade or saying things the way they are" to mask wickedness. It's so low. Don't do it. For awhile, I've been a preacher of intents and focusing on the heart while overlooking the things that are actually being said in the name of love, but if I'm being honest with you, it is very hard. You know why it's hard to focus on intents? It is because the weight of things being said sometimes overshadows the intents. It makes us unab...

You may think an unhealthy relationship is far from you, but I can't guarantee you that if you or your partner falls into the following category.  Don't be in a hurry to leave. Stay tuned for this unveiling. 1. The people whose hobby is table turning: Are you familiar with the term "table turning?" If you're not, I'll tell you what it means. Do you know those people who never admit that they are at fault or believe that they have a hand in any wrongdoing but always find a way to make everything your fault? They are the table turners. So, he or she does something that is clearly wrong but by the time the story is told 3-4 times, they manage to make it your fault and you end up apologizing for what you don't know. 2. The people who "call a spade, a spade": These ones with their mouths sharp as razor specialize in telling their kind of truth. Their mic is always on. All they know about being supportive is calling a spade a spade and saying things th...

On good days(almost everyday), you can call me an expressive person. By expressive, I show and tell exactly how I feel. I just hate to sweep my feelings under the carpet and even if I try to do so, it doesn't help. Therefore, I'm always like, "I couldn't have done stuff without you. Thank you so much" or "That thing you did to me yesterday, I don't like it" or "you talked down on me and made me feel so little, don't ever do it again." No matter how hard I try, I'm not sure I will ever join the "be the mature person and be silent" gang. I won't survive it. Many times, if I can't say how I feel, I literally feel like something's choking me. Being a Christian who is working towards perfection, somehow, I learnt to apply this expressiveness in my relationship with God and it has really helped me.  So I literally talk about everything and anyhow I feel. I just tell it to God and it helps because, He would know how e...

 It is always something you should not have said or done that damages your relationship with someone you care about or not. And it is in this manner that I want to talk about regret. Not the one that is a result of things beyond your control but the ones which you could have controlled but overlooked. Nothing makes you feel like shit the way this kind of regret does.  My friend once told me that regret is the worst emotion and I completely agree. Because how does something make you dwell on it and not move forward because you're thinking a thousand things you should have done better and rarely presents you with an opportunity to rewind time in order for you to do better? Usually, the problem here is not really whether you are sorry or not but that the deed has been done and there is no going back. This kind of regret just says, "It is what it is" and expects you to accept it even if it makes you cry every night. This type of regret gets even worse in the matter of death. ...

Oftentimes, we hear that we should not judge  situations that we have not been in but I'm not sure that we understand this well enough. And I think that this is because of the privilege that life hands over to us in certain situations; the privilege to stand at one side of the road and pass judgements to the person at the other side. But this privilege doesn't eliminate the point that you are just as human as the other person and that it could have been you at that other side save chances and maybe choices.  I'm not a prophetess of doom, but "never say never" will make much sense to you when it becomes you in some situations. Then you'll know that all there is to life is not being on social media and analyzing who did what right and who did what wrong. You will also understand that it is much easier to watch things happen to others from afar and just give sweet- smelling counsels. It's really easy to be the one advising so many times rather than taking the...

This is my fifth year in a university that I should have originally spent four years in and if life ain't teaching me lessons through this experiences, then I don't know when it ever will. I'll share five lessons that this strike which has become a yearly event in Nigeria, my country, has taught me. (1). Life Happens: This is the biggest lesson that I've learnt. ASUU Strike has taught and as a matter of fact, is still teaching me that life happens to people. ASUU says that it is okay to have plans and at the same time accept shit when it happens because they're all part of life. Talking about plans, by now I thought that I would be somewhere in some secondary school in Akwaibom or Abuja, teaching with my khaki and impacting my students and making the world a better place in my own little way. LOL. Just for the records, I'm still being impacted by my lecturers. But of course, I believe I'm still making my own little contribution to the world through these blo...

As you relate with people on daily basis, be rest assured you that not many stories will end the way you want it to. It is not in your place to end stories that are not yours no matter how similar it sounds.  Your ability to recognize that stories may sound similar but have different endings will save you from the stress of always running to conclusion or living a life of regret after every quick judgement. So it is the same teenage pregnancy but could have happened under different circumstances. Same childlessness, but chances are that it is not a product of "university days wayward life." Same exam failure but not exactly a product of non diligence.  Before you make judgements, get to know the full story.  Your kindness extends to being patient to hear the full story (where it began and where it ended) without making inputs or running to conclusion because you think you know how these stories always end. Resist the urge to end stories that are not yours. At the end of t...

I am sure you are wondering what this is all about but you got to keep an open mind while you read because this is an unpopular opinion. For a start, let me define impulsiveness. It involves doing things or tending to do things suddenly and without careful thought. I could go on and on listing the damages that impulsive behaviours could bring to a person's life but if we are kind enough to give impulsiveness a second chance, we would see that it could be helpful at times and that it does not always result in regrets. Therefore, we would examine impulsiveness which is in close relationship with spontaneity or taking decisions in the heat of the moment without thinking it through. Over thinkers are most likely the ones who reap rewards from the risk of impulsiveness. If you have not found a way yet out of over thinking and you always seem to get in your head while evaluating and reevaluating situations, you should risk being impulsive at some moments. An over thinker is likely n...

David: Hey, what does the time say? Naza: It's 11:59pm David: Oh my God, I should hurry and send Chioma a birthday test before we enter a new day. Naza: How is that even possible? Eh? David: Okay. I'm done. Naza: What does the text read? David: Happy birthday(with a love emoji) I'll tell you the remaining story. David had a very long day at work. I hope that explains why he couldn't send the text early to Chioma "who means a lot to him." But of course, Chioma should understand. Is it just me or have you also noticed that there's something about the end of seasons that make us think about our lives so deeply? Just like how the death of someone close to you makes you realize that death is not a myth and that it is wise to make the most of the time you have left even if it is just a few months? Like how you have an exam tomorrow and would want to read all the materials in one night?  The same way you spend five years in a university or a workplace and in your...

  Do you have favorite writers or people you truly admire their craft and think they are great today? You should check out their first book, article or the first work they did and compare with what they're doing now.  The first thing you'll discover is that growth and development has happened because they learned on the job and are still learning. This is just the way life works. Nobody starts out perfect. Many people who are great today had blurry pictures of their skills when they started but as they journeyed, the picture kept getting clearer and clearer. If you're still doubting that you have what it takes to start your journey, you should read "Do you have what it takes?" Here's the link: https://favourchimamaka.blogspot.com/2022/01/do-you-have-what-it-takes.html  My cousin once told me that the result is in the repetitions and honestly, this is so true. Consistency is not easy to attain but it holds the key to attaining perfection. These are the words of...

Have you ever hurt someone or gotten in a very bad place with someone you genuinely care about? Here are some tips that could help you revive your relationship with that person. 1. Be honest with yourself: By being honest, you must accept that you need this person and that you do not want to lose them forever regardless of what may have happened. Forget that they say no man is indispensable, but you know that there are just people you can't afford to lose. This acceptance helps you take away pride; that feeling that makes you think you don't need them even you know that you do. 2. Get to know the details: Many times, it is not proper to leave certain things unsaid when you hurt people. You should hear from them if they're willing to speak to you and know how your actions directly or indirectly affected them. What this does is that it helps your apology that will come afterwards not to exist in a vacuum. You must know what exactly you're being sorry for in order to h...

"If it gives you peace, do it" is what my sister once told me when I was seeking for her advice on a particular situation and this is so much more than good advice. At the end of the day, I found the solution to my problem not by following conventions but simply by listening to what I really wanted to do. I hope you realize early that no one's experience is accepted as the standard and that there are situations that would require your voice and yours only. There are no hard and fast rules to situations like this. At the very end, you've got to choose your self. Your peace. Your voice. Here you would answer, "what works for you?" and not how everyone has been going about it? It's a world filled with many voices; speaking out what they've probably tried and what they think works, but you must learn to have a voice and also know when to pay attention to what it's saying.

Do you know it’s easy to believe that God heals the sick and brokenhearted when you are not the sick or the brokenhearted? It is also easy to believe that God makes the blind to see, the deaf to hear and the lame to walk when you are not the blind, the deaf or the lame. Of course, God raises the dead when you are not the dead. But I’ll tell you what, when you become the person directly affected by these situations, you'll understand that there's a level of pain that fights faith with all of its resources and at the end shows if you ever truly believed or not. The truth about pain is that it is an inevitable part of humans’ existence. HOW DOES PAIN FIGHT AGAINST FAITH? 1. It takes away your happiness: The first thing pain does in anyone’s life is make them unhappy. Of course, the universe does not expect you to stay happy if you’ve been fighting cancer for the past few years or have lost your both parents and siblings in a year. So gradually, you’ll discover that nothing makes ...

"Death gives you perspective." I first saw this line on a person’s Facebook post and it made so much sense to me. I have never really been bothered with the issue of death up until 2021 when I lost a beautiful auntie, God rest her soul, and this experience made me to begin to think about death more often, my death even. That a time will come in my life and all I’ll have about my dad, mum, some aunties and uncles and even some friends will all be memories. And up till today, I have never really understood this but it is something that must happen. It could also be me dead and all they will have about me will be memories. Memories which I hope will bring them laughter and not tears. I think experiencing death closely brings a lot of changes to the way that a person views life.  There’s something I normally would say to any of my sibling whenever they refuse to give me something that I asked for and that thing is, “Uwa bu turn by turn Nigeria limited” (I’m not even sure how Nige...

  I think that the way God designed life is that it be in stages. Stages that come and go. These stages also appear to be designed in a way that you get to only live them once. When I entered the university newly, before going back every semester, my mum would pack my bags. Even during the times that I tried to grow up and do my thing, I would make a mess of it and she would repack it beautifully. Sincerely, I enjoyed those moments. Fast-forward to now, this is my last semester in the university and on the day that I should pack my bags for school, my mum is seen nowhere around me or whatever I’m doing. But she did well to remind me to pack well because she wouldn’t be doing that anymore for me. Literally, this experience teaches that time happens to every stage in one’s life and the good news is, there’s absolutely nothing that you can do about this. There could be something though and that thing is to make sure to enjoy every moment and stage and also make the most of it. ...

This is one question that almost everyone asks themselves before taking any step-in life that seems huge. I also asked myself when I was getting ready for a debate for the first time in my secondary school. I wasn't sure if I had what it takes to stand before the crowd and defend a cause. " Am I going to sound convincing enough?" "Were they going to believe what I had to say ?" I had plethora of questions but these questions were only going to be answered if I got out on that field and did the debate. Truth is, you'll never know if you have what it takes for a job until you take a step and "put yourself out there" like a friend once advised me to. This isn't something you've never heard before but you're really doing yourself no good by waiting to figure everything out before taking a step. For years, I fancied with the idea of creating a blog. I would read about blogs, go to other people's blogs (already made people) and co...